Birthdays and Thoughts.

So. Birthdays.

My birthday is in 2 – weeks, and you know what I’m feeling? Not happiness, not sadness, (maybe a little) but resigned and a little dread. Resigned to the fact that I’m one year closer to death, dreading losing my parents, one year closer to wrinkles, one year closer to losing some of my life because of uncontrolled Epilepsy, losing my best friend (who is my Epilepsy dog), to family gradually not caring that  I’m still here (more  then I feel they already do), and its just ‘bleh’.

Birthdays just suck in general especially when they are  on 4th of July. I wish it wouldn’t come, because maybe just maybe, I wouldn’t feel this way.





9 thoughts on “Birthdays and Thoughts.

  1. The day you were born
    who was happy?
    who was torn?
    Now so many years have gone
    collected gifts, ate cakes and sang songs
    so, it sucks now
    not before?
    or always it was a bad day and more

  2. Hugs to you, hon. I know depression sucks ditch water. Still, try focusing on your birthday marking your SURVIVAL of epilepsy for another year. You made it. You accomplished a LOT this past year, just look over your blog posts to find the evidence. You have dreams to strive for. Sure, no one gets out alive; but at least you can say you LIVED, not just existed. I, for one, am proud of you. (oh, btw, you share the same birthday date as my husband.) Be a Firecracker!

  3. I was going to say something inspiring but the previous poster said a lot! I’ll just note that, while it is hard, focusing on the positive will help. I’ve been in your shoes in the hating birthdays department, for other reasons though. You can do it! 😀 You are here and we hear you!

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