So I’m going to tell you guys something that I really don’t advertise to people, but its not really a secret. I decided to tell you this, BECAUSE I haven’t talked about my Epilepsy for quite awhile, and figured my next post should be about that.
*takes a deep breath*
Despite me being nineteen years old, I’ve never learned how to tie my shoes. I have something called ‘cognitive issues’ because of my Epilepsy and it makes it very hard for me to learn things that other people know how to do almost instantly. For multiple years, I felt ashamed that I had to ask my parents to tie my shoes whenever they came undone, but I’ve come to learn that it’s ‘okay’ that I don’t know how to do some things, even if it makes me feel ‘inadequate’ at times.
I have tried and tried over the years – but then I would have an extremely bad seizure, and I forgot what I learned. So I figured, ‘why do I have to keep trying, when all I do is forget?’ It’s one of those things that I can’t overcome, and its frustrating. Deeply frustrating.
What has stuck with me all this time, is when my first grade teacher laughed in my face when I asked her if she could tie my shoes. I haven’t really had any luck with teachers, but that’s not my fault. Its theirs.
I suppose that one day I could learn how to tie my shoes correctly, bunny ears and all, but that day is not today. I wish I could do it, but….. I can’t. My mom decided to buy me some shoelaces that I don’t have to tie (or she doesn’t have to tie), and I’m super grateful.